Episode #9
Nobody Knew He Was Struggling | Lisa Marshall on Suicide, Grief & Living Again
At 31 years old, Lisa Marshall's life changed with a knock at the door. Her husband Alan had died by suicide. She was suddenly a widow and solo mum to three young children, trying to understand something that made no sense while somehow continuing to make packed lunches, do the food shopping, get the children to school and simply survive. Recorded on World Suicide Prevention Day , this episode of Thick No More is an incredibly open conversation about what happens after suicide to the people left behind . Lisa talks about the Alan she knew before his death: funny, kind, a brilliant dad, making plans for holidays, coaching his son's football team and even talking about what he wanted to do for his 40th birthday. There was no obvious goodbye. No carefully tied-up loose ends. And no note explaining why. Lisa describes the moment police arrived at her home, the shock of being told Alan wasn't coming back, and the unanswered questions that followed. We talk about something people rarely admit openly after suicide: anger . Can you desperately love somebody and still hate what they've done? Can you be furious with them for leaving? Can you blame yourself for not seeing something that nobody else saw either? And what happens when the “why?” you're searching for may never have an answer? Lisa also shares how speaking to people who had survived suicide attempts completely changed her understanding of suicide and challenged beliefs she herself once held. Then there were the children. Lisa talks incredibly honestly about having to tell her young sons their dad wasn't coming home, how differently they processed their grief and how one son's distress appeared through intense anger before autism was later identified. That opens another deeply personal conversation about autism, masking, neurodivergence, parenting and the behaviours we see on the outside versus what may actually be happening underneath . But this isn't an episode solely about death. It's also about living . Lisa remembers laughing just days after Alan died — and the guilt and disbelief that came with discovering she was still capable of it. We even get into dark humour, dating after bereavement and something called “widow's fire” — which definitely wasn't on my podcast bingo card. And we talk about why Lisa eventually created The Widow Diaries , the community she couldn't find when she desperately needed it herself, and the extraordinary messages she now receives from people who tell her that seeing her content made them reconsider ending their own lives. This conversation is raw. At times it's uncomfortable. At others, surprisingly funny. Because grief isn't one emotion. And surviving doesn't mean forgetting. Alan died. Lisa didn't. Living again doesn't mean loving him less. ️ In this episode we talk about: • Suicide and the people left behind • World Suicide Prevention Day • The unanswered “why” after suicide • Anger, guilt, blame and rejection • Why suicidal distress doesn't always look like we expect • Parenting after the death of a partner • Explaining suicide to young children • Autism, masking and neurodivergence • How grief can appear through behaviour • Finding joy without feeling guilty • Dating and intimacy after bereavement • The Widow Diaries • Why talking openly about suicide matters • Finding purpose after unimaginable loss If this episode makes you think of somebody who needs to hear it, please send it to them. And if you're struggling yourself, please reach out to someone you trust or an appropriate crisis or suicide-prevention service where you live. You don't have to carry it alone. ️ Thick No More — real stories, real people, real change.
