The Secure Husband

I recently received a comment on my podcast about shame. "Dude, I'm not a failure as a Husband. It's her avoidance." What if you know you are a good husband? What if you know you deserve affection, intimacy, and...

Shame grows in secrecy. It tells you that if people really knew you, they might reject you, judge you, or stop loving you. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott talks about what happens when shame...

“I shouldn’t have to ask.” I shouldn’t have to ask my wife for affection. I shouldn’t have to ask her to initiate sex. I shouldn’t have to ask to feel wanted. Those feelings are understandable. We want affection and...

Anxious attachment in marriage is often explained as a fear of abandonment or rejection. But there may be something deeper underneath that fear: shame. A husband with anxious attachment may worry when his wife pulls...

What does shame have to do with a sexless marriage? More than most husbands realize. Repeated sexual rejection can slowly change from “My wife does not want sex” into “My wife does not want me.” Then it can become “I am...

Shame often hides underneath anxious attachment, fear of rejection, people pleasing, anger, defensiveness, and relationship anxiety. You may never think, “I feel shame.” Instead, you may hear an old voice that says...

How do you know when it is time to stop trying to save your marriage? That is one of the hardest questions a husband can face. In this final episode of The Invisible Marriage Podcast Series, Bruce Abbott talks about the...

Do you and your wife feel more like roommates than husband and wife? In this episode of The Invisible Marriage Podcast Series, Bruce Abbott talks about what happens when a marriage becomes focused on schedules, bills...

There is a big difference between saying, "This matters to me," and desperately trying to convince your wife that it should matter to her. In this episode of The Invisible Marriage Podcast Series, Bruce Abbott explains...

Have you stopped speaking up in your marriage? Have you stopped asking for what you want because it feels easier to stay quiet? In this episode of The Invisible Marriage Podcast Series, Bruce Abbott talks about what...

Most marriages do not become distant overnight. They fade slowly. The long talks become short updates. Touch becomes rare. Date nights turn into conversations about kids, bills, schedules, and errands. You can still...

PASTE COPY You can share a home, raise children, pay bills, and sleep in the same bed while still feeling completely alone in your marriage. In this first episode of The Invisible Marriage Podcast Series, Bruce Abbott...

What should a husband do when his wife says, “I never want sex again. Deal with it”? This statement can create fear, anger, grief, and deep confusion. It can also force a couple to face a hard question about the future...

Can a dismissive avoidant wife become more sexual, affectionate, and open to intimacy? Many husbands ask this question after years of rejection, distance, and little sexual initiation. The honest answer is yes, change...

Does your wife seem playful, warm, or even sexual with other people, but distant with you? Many husbands in a sexless marriage start to believe one painful story: “She still has a sex drive. She just does not want me.”...