Episode #37
Austin Bunkall - AWOL from Perfectionism: How an Acute Mission Panic Attack led to Seeing God's Hand in His Life
In this episode Austin Bunkall shares his experience serving a mission in Argentina, including the pressure he felt to be perfect, the panic attack that led him to return home early, and the emotional recovery that followed. It also explores how grief, therapy, family support, and a stronger personal relationship with God helped him rebuild his life. We discuss Austin’s upbringing, his missionary call, the mental health crisis that changed his mission, and how he later found stability through church service, work, marriage, and fatherhood. Key topics Austin grew up in a sports focused family in Utah and played football and wrestling, including as an offensive left tackle. He explains that his mission call to Argentina was exciting but also overwhelming, especially with the pressure to live up to others’ expectations. The MTC experience was intense because he was learning Spanish, preparing to teach the gospel, and adjusting to a new environment with many missionaries around him. Once in Argentina, he felt increasing pressure to be perfect and responsible for others’ spiritual progress, which became emotionally exhausting. Near the end of his mission, Austin experienced a severe anxiety attack, left his apartment without telling his companion, and spent hours wandering alone before returning. Mission leaders responded with compassion, brought him to the mission office, and helped him decide to return home. After coming home, Austin struggled with shame and guilt, even when his family welcomed him with love and celebration. He received mental health support after returning and describes therapy as a major part of learning self awareness, emotional maturity, and self acceptance. Austin reflects on grace, self love, and the idea that loving others is much harder when you cannot accept love for yourself. He shares how the suicides of two family members deeply affected him, especially after reconnecting with his brother before his death. Despite early return and grief, Austin stayed active in the church, served in leadership roles, and focused on helping others rather than turning away from faith. ••He now works as a sports massage therapist, is married, and has a young son, which he describes as one of the most meaningful parts of his life.
