Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

Hopestream is the defacto resource for parents who have a teen or young adult child who's misusing drugs or alcohol, hosted by Brenda Zane. Brenda is a Mayo Clinic Certified health & wellness coach, CRAFT Parent Coach, and mom of a son who nearly lost his life to addiction. Guests include addiction, prevention, and treatment experts, family members impacted by their loved one's substance use, and wellness and self-care specialists. You'll also hear heartfelt messages from me, your host. It's a safe, nurturing respite from the chaos and confusion you live with. We gather in our private communities between the episodes, The Stream for moms and The Woods for dads. Learn more at www.hopestreamcommunity.org.

Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction is a kids podcast hosted by Brenda Zane, with 10 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

Brenda Zane hosts Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction, a kids show with 10 episodes published.

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  Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

  Sending Your Struggling Kid to College: Decisions, Alternatives, and Grief

  Aug 20, 2026—

  The pressure to get your kid across the finish line By the time a struggling teenager reaches senior year, most parents have already been through so much that graduation itself feels like a personal accomplishment. As Brenda put it, 'I got my son graduated from high school. I should get the diploma because I'm actually the one who got them graduated.' Kathy said the same thing happened with her son: 'I was sitting there thinking, oh, we did it. Not he did it, we did it.' That exhaustion matters when it comes to the college decision, because it can make parents more likely to push forward even when something feels off. Kathy was direct about this: 'We really needed the break because it was just a lot at the time.' What can go wrong between graduation and move-in day Both hosts described the stretch between the end of high school and the start of college as a particularly risky window. There is often money already committed — tuition paid in advance, housing deposits made — and family expectations that feel impossible to walk back. Brenda noted that there can be a kind of magical thinking that things will self-correct once a kid gets to campus. 'I think for me it was like, I had to stop trying to control everything' — But what both hosts actually described was the hope that college itself would fix things: 'Once they go to college, they kind of even out, they naturally have to take more responsibility. That was our thought.' — Kathy Cioth Brenda was candid that for kids who are already struggling with substances, that natural correction is less likely given how much stronger what is available now is compared to what previous generations encountered. Kathy's son later told her there were far more drugs and far more variety at his college than he had ever seen before. Warning signs to watch for once they are away Kathy described a gradual unraveling: her son's calls became more frequent, she could see he did not look well at parent weekend, and she was learning through social media and others that he had been dropping classes. 'He would always kind of recover. And so we thought, well, it's okay.' But by mid-November, his calls changed tone entirely. He kept saying he needed to get out. When her gut told her to go, she flew to Arizona, rented a car, and picked him up herself. 'I knew it was the right thing to bring him home.' Brenda echoed this with a story about a friend whose son's opioid use skyrocketed at college. Her friend flew out unannounced because something felt wrong. 'When you have a gut feeling, follow it. You know when something feels wrong.' Steps to take before they leave Kathy encouraged parents to reach out to the university before move-in day to ask what crisis resources and recovery supports are available on campus. She described recovery clubs, peer support groups, and crisis centers that now exist at many schools, much of which expanded after COVID. 'If you are in that situation where you're sending off your kid right now, please go to the university, reach out to them.' Brenda added a practical step that most parents do not think about until it is too late: getting a medical waiver or medical power of attorney signed before the child leaves. She described standing in a hospital after her son's second overdose and being told by nurses that they could not share any information because her son was 19. 'If they go off to college and they're 18 and they're in a car accident and they're in the hospital and you call and try to get information, they will not give it to you because they're an adult.' Both hosts also talked about setting clear expectations before writing the check: what grade average you expect, whether they will work or volunteer, whether they will have access to a car or a set allowance. Kathy's family decided no car freshman year. Brenda described it as a major financial exchange that deserves real terms on both sides. Alternatives to sending them right now For families who are not sure their child is ready, both hosts were enthusiastic about options that do not get talked about enough. Deferring for a year was described as a way to work on mental health and build a stronger foundation without closing the door on college entirely. 'You're not telling your kids you can't go. You're just saying hey, we're just saying one year.' They also mentioned local community college, a nearby apartment arrangement, and therapeutic gap year programs. Brenda referenced a website called allkindsoftherapy.com as a place where parents can search for gap year options with different filters. An educational consultant was also mentioned as a resource for navigating these options. Both hosts were also clear that the timeline pressure around college is worth examining. Kathy's daughter is working on her degree at 26. Brenda's son started a master's program at 28. Her younger son never went to college and runs a successful business. 'College doesn't have to happen in between the ages of 18 and 22 folks. Let's normalize that.' Grieving the experience you imagined One of the most honest parts of the conversation was about grief. Kathy described stopping going to the college care package gatherings her friend group did every few weeks, feeling like she could not explain why she no longer had a kid at school. 'It made me feel so bad. And I couldn't even tell everybody.' Brenda named it plainly: when you do not get to make that drive, set up the dorm room, wear the sweatshirt, and go to parent weekend, the loss is real and it deserves to be acknowledged. But she and Kathy both said that years out, the story looks very different. 'Having the experiences that we have now with our kids, these healthy, healthy, vibrant relationships, I mean, oh my gosh. I'll take it any day over a 100% cotton university of wherever sweatshirt.' — Kathy Cioth Brenda added that perspective is everything, and that a few years down the road this will not feel the way it feels today.

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  Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

  Why Psychological Testing Is a Missing Step When Your Teen Has Substance Use Problems

  Aug 13, 2026—

  What psychological testing actually is — and is not When Brenda first heard the term 'psych eval' during her son's time in wilderness therapy, she had never encountered it before. That unfamiliarity is common, and it's part of why Dr. Graham Husick wanted to start with a baseline. Testing, he explained, spans many areas — academic, forensic, and more — but the kind most relevant to families navigating substance use is the psychological evaluation designed to build a profile of the whole person, not just arrive at a diagnosis. 'The idea is, before we launch into all these different kinds of treatment, all these different kinds of settings... can we get basically a psychological profile of this person? Not of their diagnosis, but of this actual person.' — Dr. Graham Husick He used a medical comparison that stuck: a surgeon doesn't open someone up because they have stomach pain. They do an MRI first. Psychological testing, he said, is meant to serve that same function before families and clinicians decide on wilderness programs, residential treatment, therapeutic boarding schools, or any other path. Treating the person, not just the problem One of the clearest ideas Dr. Husick offered was the difference between treating the problem within the person versus treating the person with the problem . When everyone zeroes in on the substance use itself, he said, the understanding of the human underneath often gets lost. He pointed to depression as an example — research shows it is a nonspecific symptom, something like a fever in physical health, with many different pathways to it. If clinicians just treat depression without understanding which pathway applies to this particular person, they may not be treating anything meaningful. The same applies to substance use. Dr. Husick noted that a long list of diagnoses picked up across multiple programs often tells clinicians so much and in reality so little at the same time. He observed that when he reviews evaluations that kids have had in the past two or three years, the diagnosis list has hopefully narrowed, but the recommendations that come out are usually copy-pasted — matching a diagnosis to a standard approach — without actually helping the family or the young person move forward. What good testing looks at beyond diagnosis Dr. Husick described several psychological capacities he examines in a thorough evaluation. One is reality testing — how well someone's perceptions line up with what others generally perceive, including the conditions under which that breaks down. Another is reasoning patterns, including what he called confabulation, where a person starts with a conclusion and builds reasoning around it rather than the other way around. This matters because it shapes what kinds of therapy a person can actually engage with. He also discussed emotion regulation and what tends to tip someone into dysregulation, IQ testing — which he said he always includes because the peaks and valleys in someone's abilities can be shocking and directly affect how therapy works — and how someone approaches relationships, including whether they tend to see people as whole or in a more split, all-good or all-bad way. 'The point of testing is to be able to tell things about a person that they're not able to just vocalize to us themselves.' — Dr. Graham Husick He also described something he called facilitation — where a person who is generally calm becomes rageful when drunk, not because the alcohol created the rage, but because something in them has had trouble finding expression. He gave a detailed example of a patient who, outside her awareness, was using alcohol to try to revisit and remaster a traumatic experience. This kind of dynamic, he said, is not something usually talked about or understood in substance use treatment, and yet sometimes it makes all the difference. What the substance someone uses can reveal Dr. Husick said the drug itself is useful information, though not the only piece. He drew a clear contrast between opiates and cocaine as an example. 'You hear this often, the idea of like opiates being like a warm hug... That's telling us something very different from the person who loves cocaine in that way. Cocaine doesn't usually feel like a warm hug for people. It usually feels like they are king of the castle kind of thing. And that's gonna tell you something different about somebody's personality and what it might be essentially substituting for in that way.' — Dr. Graham Husick Beyond the substance itself, he pointed to what the use is doing for the person — whether it's modulating an unusually high need for stimulation, filling a social and identity role, or facilitating access to an emotional experience the person can't reach otherwise. Why insurance coverage is a real obstacle Dr. Husick was direct about the tension between what thorough testing requires and what insurance will pay for. His testing process involves multiple sessions — meetings beforehand, one or two major testing days, feedback sessions, and ongoing support afterward — totaling roughly 15 to 20 hours per case . Insurance, he said, typically pays for about six hours. That gap forces clinicians to either do more with less or work outside the insurance system, which means fewer families can access it. He said he has never seen insurance properly reimburse the full extent of what testing can do, and that the incentive structures are basically just broken when it comes to this.

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  Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

  Building Emotional Sturdiness When Your Child Is Struggling

  Aug 6, 2026—

  Parenting out of fear — and not even knowing it Cathy described the first time she heard the phrase 'parenting out of fear' and admitted she didn't know what it meant. 'All I knew was I was just doing the best that I could,' she said. It wasn't until a therapist walked her through it — pointing to specific behaviors like driving around looking for her son's drug dealer, trying to keep him home, making decisions out of panic — that she understood. Both Brenda and Cathy reflected that this fear-driven approach was something they'd lived inside for so long it started to feel normal. When one person holds the family hostage One of the most honest observations in this episode is about what happens when a child's emotional state runs the entire household. Brenda described it directly: 'My son's emotional state dictated my emotional state. I did not have the skills to separate those two things, so if he was highly dysregulated, aggressive, angry, whatever, I matched him toe-to-toe.' Both hosts described how this plays out in practice — avoiding confrontation, giving money for a job not really done, letting a 15-year-old set the rules of the house — all to prevent a blowup. Cathy said she 'ceded all her authority' to her kids. The result, Brenda noted, is that one person ends up holding the entire family hostage with their actions and emotions , and the parent loses their footing entirely. Why emotional sturdiness — not just regulation — is the right frame Brenda explained why she deliberately chose the word 'sturdiness' over 'emotional regulation' when preparing for this episode. Regulation is important, she said, but sturdiness and durability capture something harder — the ability to have a young person raging at you and not pick up the rope with them, to hold a boundary even when your child is presenting things back to you in a way that makes you want to give in. 'We wanted to convey the fact that we understand how hard it is, and that it really is more about this sturdiness and durability and the ability to deal with situations that most people don't have to deal with.' This is also, both hosts emphasized, something that is 100% in your control — which matters enormously in an experience where so much is not. The flip side: what your instability costs your child Brenda offered a story about a former boss who was emotionally unpredictable. She would time her office visits for after lunch. She would read the room before going in. She was always bracing herself. 'That is a terrible place to be,' she said — and then connected it directly to what struggling kids experience when their parent is the unpredictable one. Cathy added that it is genuinely hard to put yourself in your child's shoes in this situation, but that this analogy makes it more accessible. If a child never knows what version of their parent they are going to get, they are less likely to come to that parent in a moment of openness. What building emotional sturdiness actually looked like Cathy described several things that shifted for her: learning that boundaries are for herself and not a tool to control her kids, prioritizing a scheduled walk or coffee even when a minor situation was happening at home, and using a practice of questioning her own spiraling thoughts by asking herself, 'Is this true? And if it is true, do I have control over it?' She also described bookending her days with prayer and gratitude, and noticing that when that practice slipped — along with her physical movement — her brain started to spiral even when nothing was actually wrong. Brenda said that for her, reading about what addiction actually is helped her feel more regulated, because she finally understood what was happening in her child's body. She also described learning that there is no expiration date on when to deal with a situation — stepping away, cooling down, and coming back later rather than responding in the heat of the moment. 'I realized that just because something had happened didn't mean I had to respond to it at that time. It gave me a chance to cool down, to ask myself some questions.' Both hosts recommended starting with awareness of where dysregulation shows up in your body — chest tightness, brain fog, tingling hands, a tight throat — and then having simple practices ready: intentional breathing (counting in for four, out for four), stepping away from screens, movement, journaling, calling a friend, or connecting with others in a supportive community. They also suggested practicing these tools in low-stakes situations, like getting annoyed at other drivers, so they are available when a high-stakes moment arrives. They were also clear that this work is not always simple. People come to this experience carrying their own history — past trauma, loss, unsafe homes, a parent with a substance use disorder — and that history will shape how you respond. Working with a therapist, they said, is strongly encouraged alongside community support, and newer therapeutic approaches mean you do not necessarily have to relive difficult memories to begin healing them.

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  Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

  The Difference Between Healthy Guilt and Harmful Self-Blame for Parents

  Jul 30, 2026—

  The Apology Parents Don't Need to Keep Making Brenda opens this solo episode by naming something she hears parents repeat constantly: I'm sorry I didn't catch this sooner. I'm sorry I wasn't a better parent. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Her message is direct — it is time to put that speech down. The episode draws a clear line between two very different things that parents often collapse together: real accountability for things that actually happened , and blanket self-blame for things that were never theirs to own . Real Accountability vs. Blanket Self-Blame Brenda is clear that taking accountability for specific things you actually did — maybe not handling your emotions well, or not responding to a request for help in the way you wish you had — is valid and important. She says she had to apologize several times for her own behavior. But she draws a firm line at taking responsibility for a child's choices, their biology, life's timing, a medical condition, or a disease you did not cause. 'Taking on those things is a futile effort and it robs you of the energy that you need to deal with the difficult things sitting right in front of you.' — Brenda Zane When parents jumble these two things together, guilt becomes a permanent hum in the background — always there, always getting in the way of actually helping their child. Why Guilt Feels So Loud Unlike anger, which Brenda notes can hide and get buried, guilt and shame are typically loud and constant . Parents will say unprompted how they failed, how this is probably their fault, how they wish they had done everything differently. Brenda describes spending a lot of time in what she calls the 'wish I could rewind zone' — a chronic loop of unanswered questions and frustration. She points to a few reasons this happens: a hindsight bias that pulls parents into 'if I had known then what I know now' thinking; cultural messaging that a child's struggle reflects the parent's skill level; and the sheer helplessness of a situation where you are looking for somewhere, anywhere, to place the feeling. 'I used to think if I caused it, then I must be able to fix it. And of course that isn't true.' — Brenda Zane She names what she sees parents actually carrying underneath the guilt: grief or fear . These feelings are easy to mistake for guilt, and naming what you are actually experiencing is part of untangling it. Guilt as Misdirected Responsibility Brenda shares from her own life when her son went to his first treatment at the age of 16. She describes the weight she felt — a boulder, maybe a mountain, of shame and guilt — asking herself what kind of mom ends up in this situation. She spent weeks and months in what she calls 'self-flagellation mode' when what she really needed was self-compassion, presence with her other kids and relationships, and attention to what her son was actually experiencing. 'I could do none of that. Because I was so consumed with guilt.' — Brenda Zane She describes that excavating the past felt easier than looking at her current-day actions and responses. It became, in her words, 'kind of like an escape hatch that I would go down as a distraction from the work I really desperately needed to do.' She also notes plainly: there is no award for being the most guilt-ridden parent . Carrying constant guilt makes you less steady and less useful to your child, not more devoted. A Concrete Exercise to Untangle the Guilt Brenda offers one practical step. Write down the exact sentence of self-blame that is running through your head. Then cross out every word that is not a fact you controlled. What remains is usually very short — or it might actually be empty. Her litmus test for any guilt you are carrying: if the thing you are apologizing for is something you could not have known, or a choice that was not yours to make, that is not an apology. It is self-punishment. If there is a specific, nameable thing you did that can be repaired, make that apology sincerely, make it clearly, once — and do not let it linger for years. 'You can care enormously and genuinely and still not owe an apology for a struggle that isn't yours.' — Brenda Zane The invitation for this week: catch yourself when you start an internal apology. Ask whether it is yours to own. Then go back to the writing exercise and cross out anything that is not a fact.

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  Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction

  Anger for Parents of Struggling Teens: How to Recognize It, Name It, and Handle It

  Jul 23, 2026—

  Episode 335 ABOUT THE EPISODE: There's an emotion most of us are carrying that we don't talk about, because we're pretty sure we're not allowed to feel it. Anger. Anger at where our kid's choices have led our family. Anger at what they're doing to themselves. And underneath it, a heavy layer of guilt for feeling any of it at all. In this solo episode, I'm getting honest about it, starting with a distinction that changes everything: anger at your child is not the same as anger at the situation. One of them usually isn't anger at all. It's grief wearing a really convincing mask, and it needs a completely different response. There's a cultural script that says good parents don't get angry at a struggling kid. We're supposed to be endlessly patient, compassionate, calm. I have yet to meet one person who pulls that off all the time. So the anger goes underground, and it leaks out sideways: sarcasm, silence, blowups over nothing, or shame that quietly eats at you while you look perfectly fine on the outside. I'm also telling you my McDonald's parking lot story, the day my anger completely took the wheel and I said things to my son I never meant. I'm not exempt from any of this. Nobody is. Then I'll walk you through a different way to see anger entirely, one that turns it from something that owns you into something that informs you, plus real things you can do with it starting today. If you've been carrying anger and beating yourself up for feeling it, come listen. You are so.not.alone. YOU'LL LEARN The one distinction that determines whether your anger needs a boundary or something much softer Where buried anger actually goes, and who ends up paying the price for it A reframe that turns anger from a character flaw into useful information What happened in a McDonald's parking lot that taught me how emotional reactivity can wreck a moment (or longer) How to tell the difference between releasing your anger and just avoiding it EPISODE RESOURCES: The Dance of Anger , Harriet Lerner Hopestream Resources Episode 174 This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community Learn about The Stream , our private online community for momsFind us on Instagram hereWatch the podcast on YouTube hereDownload a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

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