Episode #96
The Caregiver No One Sees with Joanna Part 2
Episode Description "You don't have to wait until someone dies to start grieving." In Part 2 of The Caregiver No One Sees on Grieve That Sh!t , Sharon Brubaker, grief specialist and founder of The Grief School, continues her conversation with Joanna about a kind of grief that so many caregivers experience but rarely know how to name: grieving someone who is still here. Because for caregivers, grief often begins long before death. It can begin with a diagnosis. With the first forgotten conversation. With a personality change. With realizing the mother you knew is changing right in front of you. And then it happens again…and again…and again. Joanna opens up about grieving the future she imagined for her mother and her children, the heartbreak of watching their relationship change, and what it feels like to miss the person her mother used to be while still caring for the person who is here today. Sharon explains that grief is a normal and natural response to loss of any kind . We can grieve someone living or deceased. We can grieve complicated relationships. We can grieve our past. And we can absolutely grieve the future we thought we were going to have. With memory loss, those losses can come in pieces. A diagnosis. A lost ability. A changed personality. A relationship that no longer feels the same. Another piece. Another adjustment. Another grief. Sharon and Joanna also talk honestly about the guilt and pressure caregivers carry. Some days you have patience. Other days you've heard the same question thirteen times, you're exhausted, the kids need you, and you simply do not have anything left to give. That doesn't make you a bad caregiver. It makes you human. They also explore a loss many people never consider: what happens when caregiving ends. When your entire life has been built around medications, appointments, meals, schedules, and keeping another person safe, losing your loved one can also mean losing the role and routine that structured your entire life. And that is grief, too. But this conversation isn't only about what is disappearing. It's also about what is still here. The moments with the grandchildren. A quiet evening with your spouse. A cup of coffee alone. Yoga. Your favorite meal. A conversation that makes you feel seen. Small moments still count. And sometimes, those small moments are exactly what carry you through. What You'll Learn in This Episode Why caregivers can begin grieving long before their loved one dies What it means to grieve someone who is still physically here Why a diagnosis can create grief for both the present and the future How memory loss can create a series of ongoing losses Why caregivers may grieve different versions of the same person How to give yourself grace when you cannot be the "perfect" caregiver Why caregiving itself can become part of your identity and daily structure What secondary loss can look like after caregiving ends Why small moments of joy and self-care matter How sharing your experience can help you process what you're carrying What Sharon means by "grieving in real time" Why you should say what you need to say while your person is still here Questions to Sit With After Listening Am I grieving someone who is still here? What changes have I experienced that I never allowed myself to call a loss? Am I grieving the person they used to be—or the future I thought we would have together? What parts of myself have I put aside while caring for someone else? What small things still bring me comfort or make me feel like myself? Is there something I want to say to my person while I still have the opportunity? Homework for You Think of the person you are caring for. Now think of one thing you want them to know. Maybe it's: "I love you." "Thank you." "I remember when…" "I'm sorry." "You mattered to me." Or maybe it's a story you've never told them. Don't wait for the perfect moment. Say it. Even if they don't remember it tomorrow. Even if the conversation feels strange. Even if your relationship is complicated. Grieve in real time. Honor what has changed, but don't forget to honor what is still here. Connect With Joanna Joanna shares the honest reality of caregiving while also providing resources, education, and a space where other caregivers can feel seen without judgment. Find her on TikTok: The Sleepy Goddess She shares her own caregiving experiences, helpful resources, and live conversations with others in the caregiving community. Resources + Next Steps Listen to Part 1 of The Caregiver No One Sees Follow Joanna on TikTok: The Sleepy Goddess Listen to more episodes of Grieve That Sh!t Join The Story Room Learn more at: griefdiscovery.com Because you don't have to wait until they're gone to acknowledge what you've already lost. You can love who is here. Miss who they were. Grieve what has changed. And treasure what remains. All at the same time.
