Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

More than 50% of American families have a loved one or close relative who is an addict or alcoholic. Although there are ample resources to help these individuals recover, their families suffer, too. Parents, spouses, children, and friends need help navigating this unexpected, challenging disease.Welcome to Thrive While Loving an Addict with KL Wells. She brings together loved ones and family members of addicts and alcoholics. Their insights and perspectives create a community of healing, connecting, and rebuilding.While your addict may be working hard to make themselves better, you may feel left behind to face a different kind of battle. The negative stigma of having a loved one as an addict causes a lot of pain. How are you dealing with loneliness, fear, and shame? There are quick fixes for these difficult moments in your life. Now you can get real and raw advice from people who are walking and dealing with the path you’re on.This podcast highlights the vulnerable and courageous vo

Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse is a education podcast hosted by KL Wells, with 110 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80.

KL Wells hosts Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse, a education show with 110 episodes published.

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  Episode #110

  Loving a Brother Through Addiction: Justin Burgy's Story

  Sep 22, 202643 min

  What does it mean to become the "fixer" in your family, and what happens when fixing stops working? In this episode, KL Wells sits down with Justin Burgy, an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose novel Not My Brother's Keeper grew from his family's generational experience with addiction. Justin first watched his father struggle with cocaine addiction. Roughly a decade later, he found himself confronting addiction again when his younger brother, the sibling he describes as his "shadow" growing up, began traveling a similar path. Episode Summary Justin and KL explore an experience many families affected by addiction recognize: beginning with advice, financial help, and attempts to solve the problem, then gradually realizing that love does not provide control over another person's choices. Justin shares how his understanding of helping and enabling changed over time and why he eventually learned to love his brother from a distance. Their conversation also explores the enormous strain addiction can place on an entire family. Justin reflects on supporting his mother through his brother's addiction while she was battling breast cancer, the night his brother nearly died from an overdose in her living room, and the guilt and helplessness he carried afterward. Writing eventually became one way for Justin to process those experiences and give language to emotions he struggled to express elsewhere. Key Discussion Points Growing up in a family already affected by addiction Watching addiction move from one generation of the family to another Justin's role as the "fixer" sibling and the responsibility that came with it Why advice and reasoning may have little impact during active addiction How genuine attempts to help can gradually become enabling Giving money and other forms of support before understanding their potential consequences The repeated cycle of treatment, relapse, and returning to treatment Recognizing that someone you love may not yet be ready for recovery Supporting his mother through her son's addiction while she was also facing breast cancer The night Justin's brother nearly died from an overdose in their mother's living room Grieving for someone who is still alive Reaching the point where Justin realized he could not fix or control his brother's addiction Learning to love someone from a distance without viewing that distance as abandonment The guilt that can accompany stepping back Writing and storytelling as an outlet for helplessness and unresolved emotions Discovering a wider community after speaking openly about family addiction Why rebuilding trust after repeated relapse takes time Remaining open to relationships even after trust has been broken Some Questions I Ask What did helping look like for you in the beginning, before you understood what you were dealing with? Was there a point when you realized you couldn't fix or control what was happening? How do you continue loving someone from afar? What did you learn about yourself while trying to save someone you couldn't save? How do you carry the guilt associated with the times you needed to pull away? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why reasoning with someone during active addiction may not create the change families hope for How enabling can begin from a place of genuine love and concern Why repeated treatment and relapse can be emotionally exhausting for the entire family What someone's lack of readiness for recovery can look like to the people who love them Why creating distance can sometimes become part of loving someone through addiction How family members can experience grief even while their loved one is still alive Why speaking openly about addiction can reveal that families are less alone than they may believe How writing and storytelling can provide an outlet for difficult emotions Why boundaries do not have to be rooted in punishment Why trust often needs to be rebuilt gradually after addiction and repeated relapse Resources Not My Brother's Keeper by Justin Burgy Evolve From Empathy Notable Insight From The Episode Sometimes loving someone means accepting that you cannot be the person who fixes what they are going through. For family members who have spent years trying to help, stepping back can bring grief and guilt of its own. Justin's experience explores the possibility that distance and love can coexist, and that setting a boundary does not necessarily mean closing the door on the person behind the addiction. About the Guest Justin Burgy is an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose writing explores addiction, family relationships, empathy, and the complicated experience of loving someone through substance use. His novel, Not My Brother's Keeper , draws from his family's generational experience with addiction, including his experiences watching both his father and younger brother struggle with substance use. Through his writing, Justin gives voice to the perspective of family members who may find themselves caught between wanting to help and recognizing the limits of what they can control. Justin also writes about addiction and family life through his blog, Evolve From Empathy , where he shares reflections shaped by his experience loving a brother through active addiction. Connect With the Guest Evolve From Empathy

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  Episode #109

  The Truth About Celebrating Recovery Milestones

  Sep 8, 202629 min

  What happens when the good news carries its own emotional weight? Three and a half years into her son Sam's recovery, KL Wells is watching him experience milestones that once felt far away: a new home, a new job, and the possibility of a promotion. These are moments worth celebrating. They have also taught KL something she did not initially expect. Recovery is not only about learning how to move through pain. It can also mean learning how to experience joy, pride, change, and possibility without returning to old ways of coping. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict , producer Steve Cary turns the microphone around and interviews KL Wells about what she continues to learn as her son Sam moves through three and a half years of sustained recovery. KL reflects on why positive milestones can bring complicated emotions to the surface and why families may need to remain emotionally present during the good seasons as well as the difficult ones. Together, Steve and KL explore what it means to redefine success in recovery, move beyond "he stopped using" as the finish line, and recognize the quiet worry families may continue to carry even when life appears stable. KL also shares how she interrupts her own worry loops, asks more meaningful questions, and makes room for grief and joy to exist together. Key Discussion Points Why active addiction can numb joy alongside pain The emotional complexity of experiencing positive change in recovery How milestones such as a new home, job, promotion, or relationship can bring unexpected emotions to the surface The question of worthiness that may emerge when life begins going well Why KL now asks more layered questions instead of checking in only during difficult moments Moving beyond "he stopped using" as the definition of success Redefining recovery as an ongoing process rather than a finish line The invisible emotional cost of persistent, low-grade worry How KL recognizes and interrupts her own worry loops Choosing gratitude while still acknowledging difficult emotions The relationship between addiction and grief Making space for grief and joy to exist on the same day What continuing to show up can look like years into a loved one's recovery Some Questions I Ask What are you still paying attention to now that everything looks good? Why can a joyful moment carry emotional risk alongside a crisis? How do you check in with someone who is finally allowing themselves to feel proud? What does it mean to redefine success in recovery rather than stopping at "they got clean"? How do you hold grief and joy in the same day without allowing either one to take over? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why recovery can involve relearning how to experience positive emotions as well as difficult ones How good news and major life changes may bring complicated feelings to the surface Why feelings of worthiness can become relevant during positive milestones How families can remain connected during stable periods rather than waiting for a crisis Why stopping substance use may be one part of a much longer recovery process How KL approaches the worry that can remain even after years of stability Why redefining success can help families recognize growth beyond a single outcome How gratitude, grief, and joy can coexist What it can mean to continue supporting a loved one without allowing their recovery to determine your own emotional well-being Notable Insight From The Episode Recovery does not only ask someone to learn how to survive the difficult moments. It can also ask them to learn how to receive the good ones. For families, that can mean expanding what support looks like. Showing up may involve being present not only during relapse, fear, or crisis, but also during the moments when a loved one is learning how to experience stability, accomplishment, and joy. About KL Wells KL Wells is the creator and host of Thrive While Loving an Addict , a podcast and platform supporting parents, partners, and families navigating a loved one's addiction. Her work is informed by her own experience loving her son Sam through addiction, multiple relapses, and now three and a half years of sustained recovery. Through the podcast, KL shares conversations about addiction, boundaries, grief, recovery, family dynamics, and what it means for loved ones to pursue their own healing and well-being alongside someone else's recovery journey. Resources Connect with KL Wells and Thrive While Loving an Addict : https://voicesincourage.com

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  Episode #108

  His Father's Death Sent Him Into Addiction, Then Jail.

  Aug 25, 202652 min

  What happens when the person who taught you how to survive chaos is also part of the reason you never learned to feel safe? Richard Lynch spent his childhood learning to read his father's voice for warning signs, sometimes recognizing days in advance that another crisis was coming. He grew up quickly, did well in school, and eventually built a life that appeared to be working. Then his father died, and the grief that followed changed the direction of Richard's life. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict , KL Wells sits down with Richard Lynch to explore a story that moves across generations of addiction, mental illness, grief, trauma, and recovery. Richard grew up with an alcoholic father who was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. As a child, he learned to anticipate instability, take on responsibilities beyond his years, and navigate an environment where safety could change quickly. After his father's death, Richard's unresolved grief became intertwined with his own opioid addiction, eventually leading to incarceration. Today, he works within Kentucky's correctional system, helping train counselors to look beyond behavior and address the trauma that can exist beneath addiction. Richard shares what helped him rebuild his life, reconnect with his children, find faith, and use his lived experience to support others walking through recovery. Key Discussion Points Growing up with an alcoholic father who was also living with serious mental illness How children raised in chaotic environments can learn to anticipate danger before they understand what they are experiencing Parentification and the impact of taking on adult responsibilities during childhood How seeing other families helped Richard recognize that what felt normal at home was not universal The lasting impact of being told that his grief was too much for others Why Richard stopped allowing himself to cry for twelve years The connection between his father's death, unresolved grief, and the beginning of Richard's opioid addiction Richard's experience with incarceration and how it changed the direction of his life The difference between simply stopping substance use and addressing the underlying emotional pain Why Richard believes trauma-informed addiction treatment is essential within correctional settings His perspective that substance use can interrupt emotional development and leave unresolved pain beneath the addiction Finding faith while incarcerated and the role it has played in his long-term recovery Rebuilding relationships with his children after years of separation Learning to become the father his son needed in the present rather than remaining defined by missed years The idea of becoming a "wounded healer" and using lived experience in service of others Some Questions I Ask What does it cost someone emotionally when they are taught that their grief is a burden? How do you begin forgiving yourself for the years when you were not able to be present? What does being a "wounded healer" mean to you? At what point can someone begin separating who they are from what happened to them? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why children growing up in chaotic homes may not recognize their environment as unusual until they experience something different How childhood hypervigilance can develop as a way of anticipating instability Why silencing or minimizing grief can have lasting emotional consequences How unresolved grief became connected to Richard's own substance use Why stopping substance use and healing the pain underneath it are not necessarily the same process How trauma can influence emotional development and patterns of addiction Why trauma-informed approaches may offer a deeper understanding of behavior within addiction treatment How faith and connection became meaningful parts of Richard's recovery What rebuilding relationships with children can look like after addiction and separation Why healing may involve learning to show up differently in the present rather than trying to undo the past How lived experience can become a source of empathy and purpose Resources & Guest Links QPR Institute: Question, Persuade, Refer Suicide Prevention Training QPR Institute Seeking Safety: Trauma and Addiction Treatment Model Developed by Lisa M. Najavits, PhD Seeking Safety Official Information The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk Bessel van der Kolk Official Website EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing EMDR International Association Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts Work IFS Institute Connect With Richard Lynch Facebook Richard Lynch on Facebook Instagram @leanonyourpeople on Instagram TikTok @leanonyourpeople on TikTok Email richard.lynch.jr@gmail.com

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  Episode #107

  Grief Doesn't Get to Decide Who You Become

  Aug 11, 202641 min

  What happens when life changes in an instant? Within just ten days, Elizabeth Grandinetti lost both her grandfather and her fiancé while recovering from major surgery. The losses were overwhelming, and for a time, grief became the center of her world. This conversation explores what came next: the slow work of healing, rediscovering herself, and learning that while grief changes us, it does not have to define who we become. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict , KL Wells sits down with Elizabeth Grandinetti to talk about navigating profound loss, rebuilding trust in herself, and finding hope after addiction and grief reshaped her life. Elizabeth shares the story of losing her fiancé to an overdose after his relapse following years of recovery, just days after losing the grandfather who helped raise her. Together, KL and Elizabeth explore the importance of community, stillness, self-trust, and the small daily choices that gradually make healing possible. This conversation offers encouragement for anyone grieving a loved one or trying to reconnect with themselves after life has been turned upside down. Key Discussion Points Losing multiple loved ones within days of each other Grieving the loss of a partner to addiction and overdose Recovering physically while navigating overwhelming emotional loss The role of grief support groups and community in healing Friends who showed up with consistent care during difficult seasons How busyness can become a form of emotional avoidance Learning to trust yourself and your instincts again Rebuilding life after profound loss Leaving a successful career to pursue a more meaningful path Reconnecting with joy through intentional daily practices Choosing how grief will shape, but not define, your future Some Questions I Ask What are three to five things you would share with someone who feels lost in grief or in someone else's addiction? When did you begin to realize that the strength you were looking for was already within you? What helped you learn to trust yourself again after everything you experienced? What patterns do you commonly see in the women you coach today? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why grief does not have to determine the rest of your life How community and support groups can provide hope during difficult seasons Why slowing down can reveal what constant busyness often hides How rebuilding trust in yourself happens one step at a time Why reconnecting with joy can become part of the healing process How childhood memories can help reconnect you with feelings of hope and possibility Why major life changes can sometimes lead to greater clarity about purpose How healing can create space for new relationships, new experiences, and a renewed sense of self Resources Learn more about This Way to Joy http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Notable Insight From The Episode "Grief doesn't get to decide who you become." Grief can change the course of our lives, but it does not have to define our identity. Healing often begins through small, intentional choices that gradually help us reconnect with hope, purpose, and ourselves. About the Guest Elizabeth Grandinetti is a Tampa-based coach and founder of This Way to Joy, where she helps women reconnect with themselves after seasons of grief, overwhelm, and life transition. Drawing from her own experiences with profound loss, Elizabeth encourages others to cultivate self-trust, embrace stillness, and intentionally reconnect with joy. Her coaching focuses on helping women move beyond survival and create lives rooted in authenticity, resilience, and purpose. Connect With the Guest Website http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Facebook Elizabeth Grandinetti Instagram @coach_elizabeth_g

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  Episode #106

  Drugs Destroyed My Life, and I Wasn't Even Using Them with Mark Manderson

  Jul 28, 202647 min

  What happens to the eight-year-old boy who finds his aunt collapsed on the floor, pills beneath his feet, and has to call for someone to help her? What happens when, years later, he discovers that the childhood memory he questioned was real? For Mark Manderson, that experience became part of a much larger story. His aunt died from a drug overdose when he was young, but the memory remained buried until therapy helped him revisit it years later. The grief and understanding that followed would eventually influence a career dedicated to helping people and families affected by addiction. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict , KL Wells sits down with Mark Manderson, CEO and founder of Pacific Shores Recovery, to explore what more than two decades of working in addiction recovery have taught him about pain, substance use, family dynamics, and healing. Mark shares his belief that substance use often serves as an attempt to escape or numb deeper pain, and explains why focusing only on the substance can leave important underlying issues unaddressed. Together, KL and Mark discuss anger and grief, the limits of trying to control someone else's recovery, emotional literacy, generational patterns, and what it can mean to love someone without losing yourself in the process. Key Discussion Points Mark's childhood experience of losing his aunt to a drug overdose and how that loss influenced his life's work Revisiting a buried childhood memory through EMDR therapy Why substance use can become a way of numbing or escaping deeper emotional pain The difference between pain that keeps someone stuck and pain that becomes a source of meaning or purpose Why trying to control, fix, or change someone struggling with addiction can exhaust families The grief that may exist underneath anger for parents and loved ones Mark's five foundational freedoms and the patterns he observed among people who sustained recovery Addiction as isolation and the importance of connection and community in recovery Emotional literacy and why understanding feelings can be difficult when those skills were never taught How generational patterns can influence substance use and family relationships Loving someone with an open hand rather than attaching love to a specific outcome How the questions we repeatedly ask ourselves can shape our perspective and beliefs A Gestalt-based exercise Mark uses to explore guilt and shame carried by family members Some Questions I Ask Can you say more about the idea that pain may have something to teach or show us? What does "doing the work" actually look like for someone who has never begun that process? What might be a first step for a parent who feels trapped in anger? Do you see the addiction crisis as an invitation for people and families to become more aware of deeper patterns? How do you continue loving the person while struggling with what addiction is doing? In This Episode, You Will Learn Why addiction may be connected to an attempt to numb underlying emotional pain rather than simply a relationship with a substance How trying to control another person's choices can affect families emotionally Why grief may sit underneath anger, frustration, and exhaustion How pain can be explored and integrated rather than continually avoided The five foundational freedoms Mark identified through his work with people in recovery Why connection and community can play an important role in recovery How emotional literacy can help people better understand what they are experiencing How generational patterns may influence addiction and family dynamics Why the questions we ask ourselves can influence the answers and perspectives our minds repeatedly return to How families can begin examining guilt and shame they may have taken on as their own What it can mean to love someone without making your own well-being dependent on their recovery Resources The Recovery Way by Mark Manderson A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle TED Talk by Mark Manderson About the Guest Mark Manderson is the CEO and founder of Pacific Shores Recovery in Newport Beach, California, and has worked in addiction treatment for more than two decades. His work with individuals and families is informed by both professional experience and his own childhood experience of losing his aunt to addiction. Through his work, Mark focuses on understanding the pain and emotional patterns that can exist beneath substance use while helping individuals and families develop greater awareness, connection, and emotional understanding. His experience includes working with both veterans and civilians navigating addiction and recovery. Mark is also the author of The Recovery Way , a speaker, and a confidence coach who offers educational master classes for individuals and families navigating recovery. Connect With Mark Instagram @markcmanderson Pacific Shores Recovery Newport Beach, California

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