This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!

Join us on a heartfelt journey as we explore the unexpected path to becoming best friends. From chance encounters at a theater program to bonding over shared experiences during a pandemic, this episode delves into the laughter, challenges, and deep connections that have shaped our friendship. Discover how a simple trip to Beaver's Bend turned into a lifelong bond, filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. Tune in for a candid conversation about friendship, life, and the moments that bring us closer together.

This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast! is a comedy podcast hosted by Jen & Ashten, with 95 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80.

Jen & Ashten hosts This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!, a comedy show with 95 episodes published.

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  Episode #94

  The Crybaby Pastor, a Botched Execution & 763 Dives for Love | True Crime + Chaos

  Oct 2, 202635 min

  A murder trial involving a former American Idol contestant turned pastor, a reported execution attempt that left everyone asking WHAT HAPPENS NOW?!, AI scams, TikTok investigators…and one husband whose love story nearly broke us. Welcome back to This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast , where Jen and Ashten somehow manage to go from true crime to Kiefer Sutherland, quilting, dating, catfishing, the lost art of romance, and becoming YouTube famous in approximately 30 minutes. This week, we’re talking about: The “Crybaby Pastor” murder case — a former American Idol contestant and pastor accused of killing his wife, an alleged affair, thousands upon thousands of text messages, a suspicious 911 call, and the details that immediately had investigators asking questions. ⚖️ The execution story taking over social media — after reported attempts to carry out an execution failed, the internet has ALL the theories. What happens when an execution doesn’t go according to plan? And how much of what we’re seeing online can we even trust anymore? AI, catfishing & TikTok detectives — between fake accounts, bots sliding into DMs, social media investigators, Ring cameras and everybody documenting everything, HOW does anyone think they're getting away with anything in 2026? 763 dives for the love of his life — a Japanese man has continued searching for his wife, who disappeared during the 2011 tsunami, returning to the water again and again for years. And yes…this one absolutely destroyed us. Which leads us to an important question: Have we completely lost the art of falling in love? We’re talking romance, relationships, flirting before “sliding into the DMs” existed, why people need to start WOOING each other again, and whether the younger generations might actually bring some of it back. PLUS: Jen's rapidly growing quilting YouTube channel Grandma hobbies are officially COOL again The Lost Boys vs. The Goonies Why we don't know what on the internet is real anymore ❤️ The kind of love that lasts a lifetime ✈️ And why Jen is apparently abandoning Ashten for Ohio and Connecticut Basically: true crime, relationships, nostalgia, internet insanity, friendship, quilting and complete chaos. Which is exactly why…we can’t have a podcast. TELL US IN THE COMMENTS: Do you think romance and “wooing” need to make a comeback? Could you tell if an AI account was catfishing you? And what true crime case has you completely obsessed right now? LIKE the episode COMMENT and join the conversation SUBSCRIBE for more This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast #TrueCrime #TrueCrimePodcast #AmericanIdol #MurderTrial #TrueCrimeCommunity #Dating #Relationships #Catfishing #AI #TikTok #GenX #Millennial #ComedyPodcast #Podcast

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  Episode #93

  Sleepover Witchcraft, the Black Dog & Why We’re Never Leaving the House

  Sep 25, 202639 min

  Would you tell your best friend her outfit isn’t working? Jen and Ashten start with that dangerous question, then somehow end up revisiting “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board,” Ouija boards, cemetery scares, and the mysterious “black dog” stories truckers keep telling. Jen also brings a stack of stories involving a shopping scam, a roller coaster, and true crime. Add in a little AI panic and a proposed best-friend compound, and staying home starts to sound pretty good. Tell us in the comments: Would you want a friend to warn you about an outfit? And did “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” actually work at your sleepovers? Subscribe for more conversations with Jen and Ashten on This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast .

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  Episode #92

  # Congo Anxiety, Sister Wives & The Idaho Four Rabbit Hole

  Sep 18, 202645 min

  Ashten has discovered that she may not be an empath…but she is definitely an anxiety empath , and TikTok has handed her the ultimate nightmare: explorer Ash Dykes preparing to take an inflatable kayak through the Congo surrounded by hippos, crocodiles, disease, and approximately 47 other ways to die. Then they bring us back to the important things in life: Sister Wives drama. Janelle is dating, Meri is moving on, Kody and Robyn may finally be exiting stage left, and naturally we have thoughts. But things take a much darker turn when we dive back into the Idaho Four murders and the Amber Vance YouTube series that has Jen completely sucked into the rabbit hole. The roommates, the timeline, disturbing audio recordings, the dog, the demolished house…there are a LOT of questions. Also: Jen declares war on McDonald’s over an absolutely unacceptable Hello Kitty/Godzilla Happy Meal toy, we discuss why she’ll watch true crime for hours but refuses to read subtitles, and somehow the podcast ends with vines taking over the ceiling. Basically: TikTok gave us anxiety, TLC gave us gossip, YouTube gave us a conspiracy spiral…and McDonald’s gave us trash. This is why we can’t have a podcast.

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  Episode #91

  Remembering 9/11, Widowhood & Duct Tape at 30,000 Feet ✈️

  Sep 11, 202657 min

  We start this episode on a more serious note as we remember September 11th, talk about what it was like to actually live through that day, and wonder whether younger generations can ever really understand how much it changed everything. Then Ashten gets very real about grief, widowhood, and the comment that sent her over the edge this week: “You shouldn’t waste your life.” We talk about why being single does NOT mean your life is wasted, why there is no timeline for finding love after loss, and why society is so uncomfortable with women simply being okay on their own. And because this is This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast , things quickly derail. We’ve got a belligerent airline passenger getting DUCT TAPED TO HIS SEAT , strangers becoming best friends on a plane, influencers apparently ruining the US Open, Emma discovering she is definitely not a Pilates princess , the terrifying modern dating pool, and one very important question: Do chat rooms still exist?! Somehow we go from national tragedy to widowhood to Richard Simmons and gluteus maximus complaints in under an hour. Honestly… this is exactly why we can’t have a podcast. ️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast

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  Episode #90

  Ignored Texts, JP Miller is the devil (allegedly) & the Thirst Trap Grotto Girls

  Sep 4, 202649 min

  Jen is officially on probation for taking more than 24 hours to answer Ashten’s text , and apparently being busy building an empire is NOT an acceptable excuse when you’re on someone’s emergency contact list. After the friendship intervention, we get into the disturbing Mica Miller story and The Death of a Pastor’s Wife —the red flags, the allegations surrounding JP Miller, stalking, manipulation, and why this case is even more unsettling the deeper you go. Then things take a HARD left into the COVID-era TikTok thirst trap known as William White . What started with lip-syncing, good hair, and women throwing money at their screens somehow turned into the Grotto Girls , hundreds of thousands of dollars, Disney Mama, fan-club warfare, leaked photos, catfishing, and grown women basically reenacting Lord of the Flies on social media. Also: apparently someone is currently pretending to be a 49ers player and allegedly swindling women out of money, which naturally leaves us wondering… What should WE pretend to be so we can finally get rich? Welcome to another episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast —where friendship comes with a 24-hour response policy and TikTok continues to prove that absolutely nothing good happens when the internet gets hot, bothered and organized.

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