Episode #31
The Stories We DON'T Tell and Building Community
In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get into something that started as a laugh and turned into a real conversation about truth-telling. Calvalyn's TikTok confession, that she doesn't know how to do the Tamia line dance, went viral using the "Netflix documentary" trend, and the comments turned into an unexpected social experiment: hundreds of women disclosing things they don't normally say out loud, from experiencing colorism, as the darkest child in the family to restarting a fitness journey for the hundredth time. Elizabeth and Calvalyn dig into why so many of us carry stories on loop in our heads without ever speaking them, the loss of communal spaces like the barbershop and beauty shop, the "what happens at home stays at home" rule so many grew up with, the shame of not having anyone in your circle who shares your experience, and the pressure on high-achieving Black women to look like they don't need anything. They talk through the Kirk Franklin moment that went viral, family roles and the myth that people are two-dimensional, the physical cost of carrying isolation and unspoken grief (tying back to the weathering of Black women's bodies), and how social media has created connection without real intimacy. This episode speaks to anyone who has ever held a story in because they weren't sure it would be received well, whether that's about infertility, financial strain, childhood, or simply feeling like the only one in the room who doesn't get it. The core message: there's a real cost to carrying it alone, and speaking your truth, even in small, safe places like a therapist's office or a trusted support group, can be the very thing that reconnects you to community. Stay Connected! Instagram Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en TikTok Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday LinkedIn Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/ Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/ Key Takeaways • You are not the only one carrying a story you've never said out loud, and that silence has a cost. • The barbershop and beauty shop used to be built-in community; independence has quietly taken some of that away from you. • "What happens at home stays at home" may be protecting you from something you actually need to release. • Carrying a heavy thing alone is heavier than carrying it with someone who can share the weight. • High-achieving does not mean you're not allowed to be tired, struggling, or in need of support. • People you admire are still human, don't withhold space for someone else's humanity just because they perform well. • Not every space is safe for your story; some spaces deserve your story, and some deserve your caution. • A therapist or support group can be the safest first place to test the waters of a story you've never told. • The cost of hiding a story is often higher than the cost of telling it. • You get to decide what to share, how much, and with whom, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.
