The Journey with Gabi Koyenov - The Official Podcast of The Men's Therapy Studio
Why I Left Orthodox Judaism—and What Shidduchim Had to Do With It | Beyond Belief
SPECIAL CROSSOVER EPISODEThis conversation originally appeared on Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus, hosted by Shalom Tzvi Shore. I felt this discussion was too important not to share with The Journey community as well.A huge thank-you to Shalom and the Beyond Belief podcast for creating the space for this honest conversation. Please check out the original show, subscribe, and send Shalom some love:Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-belief-tales-of-religious-exodus/id1749161974In this episode, the roles are reversed: Gabi becomes the guest and shares his own journey through Bukharian identity, Orthodox Judaism, yeshiva, purity culture, the shidduch system, and ultimately leaving religious life.Gabi opens up about growing up in Queens, navigating his family’s faith, and trying to find his place within both Bukharian and broader Jewish communities. He discusses the divisions he encountered between different Jewish identities, his experiences with racism in yeshiva, and the mentor who gave him a different model of what religious leadership could look like.The conversation follows Gabi’s full yeshiva arc—from learning and searching for meaning to confronting the psychological consequences of purity culture. He explains why he consciously chose faith, how heartbreak and dating sent him into a spiral, and how the rules and expectations surrounding sexuality, marriage, and shidduchim affected his mental health.Gabi and Shalom examine whether the shidduch system can function as a form of high-control or cult-like social pressure. Gabi recounts the panic attacks that accompanied his departure, his final conversation with his rabbi, and an unexpected shidduch-related twist involving the woman he would eventually marry.He also shares how an ayahuasca experience opened him to a new understanding of spirituality and metaphysics—and what it meant to leave Orthodox Judaism without abandoning his search for meaning.This is a deeply personal conversation about religious deconstruction, Bukharian Jewish identity, racism in yeshivas, purity culture, dating, shidduchim, mental health, psychedelics, marriage, and finding the courage to move forward.CHAPTERS00:00 Opening Up About Leaving Orthodoxy 03:07 Bukharian Identity and Divisions Within Judaism 11:23 Growing Up in Queens and Family Faith 22:37 Racism in Yeshiva and Finding a Mentor 30:26 Representation in Yeshivas 32:06 Rabbi Kramer’s Model 35:03 Gabi’s Yeshiva Journey 38:02 The Psychological Fallout of Purity Culture 1:00:54 Choosing Faith in Search of Meaning 1:02:40 Heartbreak and the Dating Spiral 1:04:39 Ayahuasca and a New Metaphysics 1:15:49 The Shidduch System as Cult-Like Control 1:32:11 Leaving Orthodoxy and Experiencing Panic Attacks 1:33:34 The Final Conversation With His Rabbi 1:35:41 The Unexpected Shidduch and Marriage Twist 1:39:12 Coming Out of Orthodox Judaism and Moving Forward Please support Shalom Tzvi Shore and Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus. The podcast gives people from many religious backgrounds a place to tell the truth about leaving, questioning, and rebuilding their lives.This episode contains a personal discussion of ayahuasca and mental health. It is presented as personal experience, not medical advice.#LeavingOrthodoxJudaism #ReligiousDeconstruction #BukharianJewish
