Episode #20
Karin Henniges: Immigration, Loss & Finding Herself Later in Life | The Essence of You Podcast
In this episode of The Essence of You, host Steph Lokelani sits down with Karin Henniges, the mother of Episode 3 guest Angela Reish, who is visiting from her home in Oregon, by way of a life that has spanned three countries. Karin shares her story of growing up in Hanover, Germany as the only girl among three brothers, meeting her husband Mike (whose real name, Reinhold, she didn't learn until they sat down together to fill out immigration paperwork), and starting a marriage with almost nothing, a one-bedroom apartment, a shared bed, and a leap of faith to Canada in the dead of winter. Karin walks through decades of building a life from scratch: Mike's brutal six weeks working the Dew Line near the Arctic Circle, years of scraping by on a dollar an hour, the devastating loss of their infant son to pneumonia, and the slow climb toward stability that eventually carried the family to the United States in 1968. She speaks candidly about the push and pull of a traditional marriage, being told when she could and couldn't work, and the compromises that shaped decades as a wife and mother. The conversation then turns to Mike's decline and passing in 2008, and later circles back to tell that story in fuller detail. From a small, telling moment at an Apple Store that revealed the end was near, to the family's decision to honor his wish to stop treatment and die at home. Karin describes donating his body to science, receiving his ashes, and - with her sister-in-law's blessing eventually - scattering them in the lake in Hanover where she and Mike first met, technically against German law. Since becoming a widow, Karin has built an entirely new chapter: months-long trips through Europe with a close friend, a promise to always show up for her grandchildren the way her own parents couldn't do for theirs, deep friendships in her Woodburn, Oregon community, and a hard-won sense of independence. The episode closes with Steph's signature question - who are you when everything external falls away - and Karin's answer about discovering, for the first time in her 80s, who she is outside of being a wife or a mother. About Karin Henniges: German Immigrant Karin Henniges, born at the end of WWII, now in her late 80s, shares her story of immigration and life (Karin said all in one breath). And that's her bio. Key Takeaways: Karin's story is a reminder that identity can take a lifetime to find, and that it's never too late to claim it. A few things that stood out: - Karin spent decades as "his wife" and "their mother" before getting the chance to simply be Karin. She credits the years since becoming a widow with finally showing her who she is at her core - sarcastic sense of humor, love of travel, and all. - Immigrating twice, first to Canada and then to the United States, meant starting over financially again and again. Karin recalls coming home from a visit to Germany with just two dollars left in the bank, and Mike working a week and a half just to cover a month's rent. - The loss of an infant son to pneumonia is woven into the family's larger story of resilience -a loss Karin doesn't dwell on, but doesn't hide either. - Karin made a lifelong promise to be present for her grandchildren after realizing her own parents, who stayed behind in Germany, never really got to know theirs. She now visits all three grandkids regularly, including an annual beach trip tradition with her grandson that's now ten years running. - When Mike's health declined, the family honored his explicit wish to stop treatment and die at home rather than in a hospital, a decision Karin later helped her sister-in-law understand when she faced the same choice for her own husband years afterward. - Karin scattered Mike's ashes in the lake in Hanover where they first met, technically against German law, wrapped in flowers picked for each family member - an act of quiet defiance that felt true to who he was. - Friendship, especially friendship that belongs entirely to her rather than being inherited from marriage, has become one of the most important parts of Karin's life in her 80s. Chapters: 00:00 -Welcome and introducing Karin 00:25 - Growing up in Hanover: the only girl with three brothers 01:38 - Meeting Mike (really Reinhold) and falling for someone different 03:50 - Deciding to immigrate to Canada 04:22 - Filling out paperwork and learning his real name 05:40 - Arriving in Canada unprepared, in the dead of winter 07:02 - Mike's six weeks on the Dew Line near the Arctic Circle 08:20 - Building a life on a dollar an hour 10:59 - The loss of their infant son to pneumonia 11:18 - A move to Calgary and a fresh start 12:03 - First trip home to Germany, and $2 left in the bank 12:44 - Deciding to immigrate again, to the United States 14:01 - Settling in San Jose and navigating a traditional marriage 14:45 - Being told when she could and couldn't work 16:52 - His own business, 20-hour days, and declining health 17:35 - Moving through Paradise, California, and on to Woodburn, Oregon 18:35 - Mike passes away in 2008; Karin becomes a widow 19:44 - Choosing what to do with her freedom, and a friend moves in 20:07 - A three-month journey across Europe begins 22:03 - San Sebastian, Easter mass, and a hard-won cathedral visit 24:20 - Florence, Christmas markets, and a truck attack they narrowly missed 26:37 - Hanover's Christmas market and Angela's upcoming trip 29:31 - The travel partnership fades; Karin moves to independent living 31:15 - Grandchildren, and the promise to always be there for them 34:22 - A ten-year tradition with her grandson at the Oregon coast 35:07 - Sarah, Cole, and relationships with her sons-in-law 36:14 - Money worries, rising rent, and staying close to friends 38:33 - Reflecting on the "middle years" and hard-won independence 39:56 - Steph reflects on her own freedom since her divorce 41:10 - The Apple Store story that signaled the end was near 42:44 - The family's decision to honor his wish to stop treatment 43:39 - Hospice, applesauce, and the moment they knew 44:38 - Passing away at home and donating his body to science 46:05 - The certificate, the spinal cord, and what it meant 47:27 - Angela's suggestion: take him home to Hanover 48:39 - Scattering his ashes in the lake where they met, against the law 50:29 - Sister-in-law Erica's slow understanding 51:37 - "It didn't cost me a dime" 51:58 - Eerie signs: the closet light that wouldn't stay off 53:05 - A promise made from his hospital bed 53:44 - The core question: who are you when everything falls away? 55:49 - Closing thoughts and thanks
