
Episode #88
Those Wounds
Have you ever been hurt? The old proverb says that "wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses… [Proverbs 27:6]" I've known this for a long time, but recently it hit me like it was brand new. This concept is wrapped up in the idea of "hard conversations," which is difficult enough on its own. Maybe the most important part of this concept is not the hard conversation, but who is qualified to deliver it. If you are a leader, I bet you want to grow your people, there are things about them that need to change, and you wish you could be honest about what those things are. But you probably have been putting off the conversation because you aren't sure how it would be received. I remember one of the deepest wounds I ever received. I am certainly open to occasional critical feedback from my team, but like anyone, there are certain areas of my life where I take genuine pride. It may come as no surprise to you that I take pride in my leadership. It is the area where I put in the most time and effort almost daily. So, it caught me completely off guard one day when I got a message from one of my direct reports telling me they could "no longer work under this type of leadership." My world crumbled beneath me in that moment because the words came from someone I trusted. I knew the person was being honest, but it was a towering indictment against my very identity. I needed to hear the words, but I could only receive them because the other person was qualified to deliver them. The idea of friendship between leaders and followers is more complicated than it first appears. If you look a little deeper into the word "friend," what you discover is that "friend" can also mean "loved one," or more colloquially, someone who cares a great deal about you. This matters because it reframes the entire dynamic. The leader is not waiting for the relationship to be good enough to have hard conversations — the leader is the one responsible for building it. That means the onus falls entirely on the leader to develop and cultivate the right relationship and circumstances to allow the wounds to be not only given but received as the gift they are. So, do you want to grow your people? Then you must first love them. They must know it; they must understand it. Only then can your leadership be trusted, real change can begin, and your words will carry the weight of someone who can be trusted, landing as the gift they were always meant to be. Five-Minute Exercise: What is a hard conversation that I have been putting off? What relationships must I strengthen so that I can have the privilege to deliver difficult words when they are needed? Now Go Lead




