Episode #1055
S4 E34 Don't Let the House Sink You — Divorce, Assets and the Decisions That Matter Most (Part 1 of 3)
Australian women come out of divorce around 30% worse off than they went in, and if you are over 50 that gap can stretch closer to 45%, often without ever fully recovering. In this first episode of a three-part series, Phoebe unpacks the decision that trips up more women than any other: what to do with the family home. She walks through why the house feels like safety, when keeping it is exactly the right call, when it quietly becomes the thing that sinks you, and the four back-of-an-envelope questions that turn the fog into a decision you can actually see. What we cover Why the financial hit of divorce lands so unevenly, and why the first 12 months of decisions matter most The emotional weight of the family home, and why "take the logic out of it" is step one Thinking fast vs thinking slow: why a stressed, exhausted brain fights to keep the house The line nobody says out loud: the house does not pay you, it charges you (roughly 2% of its value a year just to stay standing) The research that surprises everyone: on average, women who let the house go often did better "You take the house, I'll take the super," and why that can be the most expensive sentence a woman signs Why super is a splittable asset that too many women give away, especially dangerous over 50 The four questions to run on the back of an envelope before you decide Money as information, not judgement, and building your one-page money map The client with a $2 million settlement and the financial advisor who told her not to buy a home Key takeaways (with timestamps) [00:00] The uneven hit. Research shows Australian women are around 30% worse off after divorce. Over 50, it is closer to 45%, and there may not be time for it to recover. [01:00] The family home is the flashpoint. It is the biggest number on paper and the most emotional. Christmases, growth marks on the wall, the whole life lived there. [03:00] The first year is everything. You are making enormous decisions from the bottom of a pit, tired and frightened, with everyone offering advice. That is exactly why they matter. [04:00] Fast brain vs slow brain. Under stress we run on feelings and stories, not logic. It is why the house feels like safety even when the maths says otherwise. [04:30] It earns nothing, it eats. A home costs roughly 2% of its value a year (a $1M house is $10k to $20k before you make it nicer), plus a possible loan on one income instead of two. [05:30] Letting go can be the win. Australian research suggests women who released the house were, on average, doing better, financially and in happiness. [06:00] Watch the super trade. Super is splittable in an Australian divorce. Most women give it away. Even if you did not earn it during the marriage, you are entitled to it. [10:00] The four questions. 1) Can I look after this solo? 2) What am I giving up to get it? 3) Does it earn it or eat it? 4) Am I keeping it, or just trying to keep my old life? [13:00] Money is information. No number on any page has anything to do with your worth. When you look at the data, the fog lifts. [14:00] The $2M client. Her advisor said rent and buy shares. She trusted what mattered to her, bought the home, and questioned the expensive advice. You are allowed to do the same. [16:00] Help exists. Free financial counsellors are available through the National Debt Helpline and Anglicare. The four questions (save these) Can I look after this solo? The loan, the rates, the insurance, the upkeep. Can your actual post-divorce income carry it and still let you breathe? What am I giving up to get it? Usually your share of the super. Write the trade in dollars, and think about the future value, not just today's number. Does it earn it or eat it? Your home consumes income, it does not generate it. Is it a lifestyle asset or a wealth-building one? Am I keeping it, or just trying to keep my old life? Sometimes fighting for the house is grief, not finance. Grief is valid. Just do not pay for it with your retirement. Resources The Money Map — Phoebe's free, fill-it-in-yourself one-pager (everything you own and owe, in and out). Going out with this week's newsletter. Subscribe on the website to get it. phoebeblamey.com.au Free financial counselling — National Debt Helpline and Anglicare offer free, sensible help through these decisions. The book that inspired the series — Strangers by Belle Burden. A note Everything in this episode is general information. It does not take your personal circumstances into account and it is not personal financial advice. It is an ex-finance person sharing what she has watched happen to a lot of women, so you can ask the sharp questions and think through the big decisions with clear eyes. If money in your relationship feels controlled, hidden, or used as a weapon, that is beyond a hard divorce. That is financial abuse, and it is the subject of the next episode. Support is available through 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). Call to action Follow the show so the next two parts land in your feed, and subscribe to the newsletter to get the free Money Map. Coming up in Part 2: where the money hides in a divorce, the bonus that vanishes, the business income that suddenly drops, and how to catch it. This week's question: If you have been through it, did keeping the family home turn out to be the right call, or the thing that quietly sank you? Tell me in the comments, or DM me if it is too raw to post. Your answer might be the thing that saves the next woman. Listen: The Happy Money Journey, wherever you get your podcasts. Until next week, enjoy your journey.
