Episode #3
Supporting Teens Through Divorce: A Family Systems Conversation with teen expert Dillan Koch LMSW
In this episode, Dr. Royster talks with Dillan Koch, a Michigan-based mental health professional in private practice, about supporting teenagers and their families. They explore why teen behavior is often part of a larger family dynamic—and how that becomes especially important during divorce, family conflict, and major life transitions.Together, they discuss teen privacy in therapy, parental involvement, independence, and how to distinguish healthy challenges from genuine safety concerns. Dillan shares a family systems perspective on helping teens and parents build communication and resilience, with the goal of supporting families—not keeping clients in therapy indefinitely. Key topics Dillan’s work with teenagers and families in her Michigan private practice How parent-only intake sessions can help therapists understand family concerns Setting clear confidentiality boundaries and maintaining trust with teens Why a teenager’s struggles may reflect pressures across the whole family system How adolescence can bring change and stress for parents as well as teens The balance between emotional safety, appropriate challenges, and building resilience How overparenting can unintentionally make it harder for kids to develop independence Approaching phone use, school responsibilities, and alcohol through early, ongoing conversations Parentification and the risk of teens becoming a parent’s confidant during divorce Keeping children out of adult relationship conflicts and co-parenting disputes Responding to school or visitation resistance with curiosity rather than assumptions Supporting teens through separation, grief, and changing family relationships 00:00 — Introducing Dillan Koch and the Midwest connection 01:17 — Dillan’s private practice and family systems approach 02:17 — Working with teens and their families 05:04 — Setting confidentiality expectations with parents 06:17 — Protecting trust when parents want information 08:40 — Why teens can’t be treated as the only source of family problems 10:48 — Teen development, family stress, and changing roles 14:53 — Are teens changing, or are parenting dynamics changing? 16:17 — Overparenting, helplessness, and resilience 17:13 — The balance between safety and friction 18:38 — Grades, assignments, and helping teens build responsibility 23:23 — Phones, alcohol, and setting boundaries before a crisis 27:45 — Divorce, parentification, and teens becoming confidants 31:43 — Why adult relationship conflict is hard for teens to understand 33:30 — Family roles, perfectionism, and the quieter child 36:32 — Validating teens’ experiences during divorce or separation 38:54 — Understanding teen autonomy and resistance 41:27 — When teens recognize unhealthy or unsafe family dynamics 43:36 — Staying grounded amid co-parenting conflict 45:20 — Communicating with a child’s future perspective in mind 48:04 — Grief through divorce, adolescence, and young adulthood 49:07 — Dillan’s podcast, Instagram, and community work Connect with Dillan for therapeutic & coaching services here. Follow Dillan on Instagram Listen to The Check in with Dillan I am a psychologist, but I am not your psychologist. This is education and support, not therapy or legal advice. For anything about your actual family, talk with your own provider.
