Episode #122
What If It’s Not “Bad Behavior”? Understanding Your Autistic Child with Dr. Amy See
What if the behavior you’re trying to change is actually telling you something? In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion talks with developmental psychologist and learning support specialist Dr. Amy See about nonverbal autism, special needs parenting, behavior, nervous system regulation, and learning to see the whole child before deciding what their behavior means. Parents of autistic children become accustomed to watching closely. Is my child listening? Why aren’t they responding? Why could they do this yesterday but not today? Is this refusal? Inattention? A sensory issue? A developmental delay? A behavior we need to correct? But Dr. See encourages parents and educators to slow down before assigning meaning. Because the same child can look very different in different environments. A child who struggles in a bright, noisy classroom may function very differently at home. A child who appears unable to participate in one environment may demonstrate far more ability when they feel calm, safe, connected, and regulated. For children with nonverbal autism, non-speaking autism, or significant communication and motor challenges, that distinction becomes especially important. What a child can demonstrate in a particular moment isn’t necessarily the same as what that child understands. Sarah shares what she has observed with Milly and Mack: even a response to something they understand can sometimes arrive much later than expected. A glance, movement, transition, or acknowledgment that takes longer to appear doesn’t necessarily mean the original language wasn’t received. Sometimes processing simply doesn’t happen on our timetable. Dr. See introduces a simple framework she uses when looking beneath behavior: capacity, safety, and regulation. What capacity does this child have in this moment? Do they feel safe and secure in this environment? Is their nervous system regulated, or is it overloaded? Rather than beginning with “Why is this child behaving this way?”, those questions allow parents, teachers, and clinicians to become curious about what the behavior may be communicating. Sarah and Amy also explore the pressure many special needs parents feel to turn nearly every moment into an opportunity for progress. When your child is developmentally behind, letting them wander through the backyard, play independently, or engage in an activity without a therapeutic objective can almost feel irresponsible. But play has value precisely because it isn’t always directed toward an outcome. Children need opportunities to rest, explore, consolidate what they’re learning, follow their interests, and experience connection without constantly being asked to perform. And sometimes one of the most powerful ways to connect with a nonverbal child isn’t asking them to enter our world at all. It’s entering theirs. Watch what brings them joy. Sit beside them. Pick up the object they’re fascinated by. Repeat the movement. Listen to the song. Join the play. Because before we decide what a child needs to learn next, we may need to become much better at seeing the child who is already in front of us. In This Episode 00:00 – Why INCHSTONES looks at the whole child 01:45 – Dr. Amy See's background in developmental psychology and learning support 02:45 – Why every child begins to make more sense when we understand what they need 03:25 – Observing children before trying to change them 03:55 – Nature and nervous system regulation 04:55 – Why environment can completely change a child's behavior 05:55 – Non-speaking autism, apraxia, and what children can demonstrate 06:45 – Why calm environments can reveal different abilities 08:05 – Developmental age versus ch...
