Danger, Vicious Dog

Started updating my bio Dec 31, 2023. Accidentally wrote four autofiction books. Slid from narrative into monologue—not stream-of-consciousness, more like speech-speed meaning performance. Trained my voice into AI, produced a shit-ton of pieces. Had too many. Needed a place to dump them. Saw a sign that said “Beware, Vicious Dog!” Misread it. Named the podcast Danger, Vicious Dog. Didn’t fix it. Just kept going. Queer. Cosmic. Sarcastic. Cheap. Accidentally committed to the bit. Some voice and art is AI... I don't know how I feel about that... so I'm working on figuring it out... how I feel.

Danger, Vicious Dog is a comedy podcast hosted by TestTubeBaby, with 120 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

TestTubeBaby hosts Danger, Vicious Dog, a comedy show with 120 episodes published.

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  Episode #3

  E3: Male Deadbeats Having Fun; S13: Is Gary a Drag Queen or a Trickster?

  Aug 21, 202613 minS13

  There is not actually a drag queen in this episode. Or, more precisely, Gary—the man in the final song who takes the children out in his old van to find the tadpoles—was not originally described as a drag queen. I made him one for the artwork. This probably needs to be said because I don’t want the picture to operate as bait. Also, she has very believable tits. Some people may therefore assume she is simply an eccentric woman, except that MALE DEADBEATS HAVING FUN is printed directly over her head. And some of the people who might relate most strongly to this episode may see a drag queen and immediately decide that it is not for them. I know that. I put her there anyway. The picture is not meant to suggest that the episode is about drag queens. Gary is not standing in for drag queens. Gary is a character in a song who owns an old van, provides sandwiches, knows where the tadpoles are, can repair a terrible mood, and has apparently been assigned to laughter, snacks, and keeping Grandpa company. Making him a drag queen just pushes the question a little harder: What makes somebody look useful? What makes somebody look responsible? Why do certain kinds of care become almost invisible when they are performed by someone who does not resemble a provider? This episode started because I heard myself saying that men and women should get along better for the sake of children. It sounded reasonable. Then I noticed how much was hiding inside “reasonable”: the nuclear family, the provider, the deadbeat, the private household, and the assumption that every child’s needs must be contained inside one exhausted little economic unit. So I tried to correct myself with a song. The song was too earnest. Then I tried again from the perspective of the male deadbeats, and Gary arrived with his van. This is partly about families, partly about corporations, partly about colonial arrangements that have become ordinary enough to feel biological, and partly about whether a person can be useful without turning that usefulness into employment, ownership, productivity, or a five-year plan. It may also be about a drag queen with excellent breasts showing some children where the tadpoles go. That is not nothing.

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  Episode #2

  E2: Why Not Me? S13: Kidnapping, Let's Laugh. It's Chemical. Don't Feel Bad. Look at Your Phone.

  Aug 17, 202624 minS13

  When I was a gay teenager in the 1980s, people threatened to kill me. Sometimes the threats came through the telephone my mother handed me. Nearly ten years later, even while visiting San Francisco, holding hands with my boyfriend could make strangers yell at us and make the street feel unsafe. Other people saw it happening. They generally remained bystanders. But that’s not the end of the story. What happens when an experience that once seemed enormous is placed beside dangers carried by somebody close to you—dangers involving kidnapping, disappearance, and a surrounding world organized by an entirely different scale of threat? The comparison does not make either experience unreal. It creates an awareness of unequal vulnerability that refuses to provide instructions for what to do next. Why Not Me? follows that awareness into privilege, guilt, self-importance, technology, abstraction, and the peculiar human need to keep thinking after thought has lost any proportionate object of action. Perhaps awareness is not a moral achievement. Perhaps it is chemistry: a pattern-making nervous system searching for somewhere to run, now connected through a phone to every fire, injustice, and unfinished problem on Earth. The episode eventually turns toward the institutions and algorithms that supply the wheel. They were not designed by a single mind, and they did not have to develop exactly as they did. They emerged from countless small choices, measurements, incentives, personalities, and accidents—then began changing the humans who were changing them. Don’t feel bad. Look at your phone. Content note: Contains discussion of homophobic death threats, gun violence, kidnapping, the AIDS crisis, privilege, and public harassment.

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  Episode #1

  E1: I'm a Teenage Boy and I Can't Stand Up at the Social Work Conference; S13: You Can't Go Home Again

  Aug 16, 202626 minS13

  Thank god I no longer get lost every time I sit down to type. Almost everything I do now is dictated. Not everything, though. I wrote the lyrics for a song yesterday... or maybe it was earlier today. I don't remember. Anything. This episode's monologue was recorded, I think a couple weeks ago. Probably the song was done a week after that. Then today I added the two little book ends. In case you'd rather experience them in chronological order, you could listen to the monologue first, then the song, then the opening and then ending monologues. I'm not going to give you timestamps. You're the one who wants to do that, not me. I don't care if you don't.

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  Episode #10

  E10: Reincarnated Bananas; S12: New AI Voice (Boundaries: For the Algorithm, Fuck You!)

  Aug 15, 202628 minS12

  An AI-generated podcast about this episode offered a remarkably flattering interpretation. It suggested that the monologue develops a model of boundaries in which a boundary is not an instruction for somebody else—it is information that tells you what to do when somebody else keeps pushing. The narrator’s response was more or less: yes, obviously. That idea is old enough to feel ordinary from inside the life that produced it. But perhaps this is one thing AI can do: receive an unstructured human ecology and return one of its recurring patterns as though it were a newly discovered theory. A prompt might be understood as a human biome—not merely an instruction, but an environment made from memory, appetite, humour, shame, history, language, self-correction, unfinished arguments, and whatever wandered into consciousness that day. Feed that biome to an AI and it will decide which organisms appear central. Feed the response back into the biome and something else starts growing. In this case, what grows begins with a banana, an appetite, and a condition that was stated but not respected. From there, the episode moves through expression, self-policing, recovery culture, bureaucracy, personal values, and the difference between understanding why somebody acted harmfully and pretending that the harm therefore requires an excuse. It also introduces a new AI voice. The algorithm may use it briefly. The algorithm has been informed of its boundaries. Content note: Contains explicit sexual metaphor, discussion of coercive pressure, condom negotiation, HIV/STI risk, emotional manipulation, threatened self-harm, addiction recovery, and the AIDS crisis. And this is the only time I will say this. I will never say it again. Every single episode of my podcast (except the ones that don't) needs this content note.

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  Episode #7

  E7: Squirrel with a Flag and Ration; S12: A Helicopter Assist Would Be Really Helpful (Unless You're A Nurse)

  Aug 15, 202645 minS12

  A walk through a park begins with an ethical problem: can you warn someone about an association without giving them the association in the process? From squirrels and rescue helicopters, the monologue wanders through healthcare, public anger, survival, drug use, professional authority, and the endless track humanity keeps building beneath itself. Along the way, an ordinary animal becomes a possible way of remaining aware of an overwhelming world without having to consume the news every day. This is an episode about attention, responsibility, associative thought, and how much reality one nervous system can reasonably be expected to carry. Content note: Contains frank discussion of climate disaster, suicide, HIV/AIDS, sex, incarceration, and drug use.

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