2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer get together in the bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do: make each other laugh.

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer is a comedy podcast hosted by Tom Segura, with 336 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

Tom Segura hosts 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer, a comedy show with 336 episodes published.

Our AI reads these to draft pitches. Use them as grounding for a pitch that cites a real guest and a specific topic.

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  Episode #336

  Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

  Aug 24, 20261h 26m

  SPONSORS: Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! Start your free trial at https://SHOPIFY.COM/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears for your free online visit. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. https://babbel.com/BEARS for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:18 - Comedians Getting Guinness Records 00:07:24 - The Attendance Record Arms Race 00:18:09 - Stavvy Says Private Jets Don't Make You Funnier 00:24:25 - Lunch Pail Phonies & Staying Honest 00:35:39 - Busboys Is A Secret Masterpiece 00:41:55 - Tom Finally Saw The Odyssey 01:03:45 - Por Osos At Frenchies & MacDill 01:07:29 - The Sexiest Military & Plane Crash Hypotheticals 01:12:08 - Chimp Empire 01:15:26 - Leanne's Birthday & The Black Crowes 01:20:28 - Mick Jagger On Fame 01:24:18 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  Episode #332

  Tom Poops The Bucket, Bert Shit The Bed | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

  Jun 29, 20261h 7m

  SPONSORS: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Don't sleep on @‌ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code BEARS at https://takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get two hundred in rewards within 21 days. https://dkng.co/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dig into the wild, unexpected Black audience response to Bad Thoughts Season 2, Tom debuting his "out of your control" philosophy on how comedy lands, and a hilarious accounting of which comedians did and didn't text Bert about his new show. Bert opens up about getting nastier and setting harder boundaries in sobriety, comparing himself to the A-Rod and Rafael Nadal documentaries, and Tom reveals his ongoing health investigation that involves shitting in a bucket for a lab test. The Bears also spiral into a debate on regional diets and genetics, plan a mushroom trip with an actual shaman, get Bert's dad on the phone to discuss his own legendary history of public accidents, and revisit boys' locker room culture versus Gen Z's aversion to male nudity. Plus: a Mountain Dew summer sizzle reel callout to fans, a celebration-of-life merch drop business plan for when they die, and the most detailed bowel movement breakdown the show has ever produced. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 332 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get fifty dollars in Predictions Dollars that expire in one year, issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:00:14 - Bad Thoughts' Black Fanbase00:07:28 - Mountain Dew Summer00:11:31 - Healthiest Guy at the Party00:16:33 - The Subconscious Mind & Nasty Bert00:26:17 - Setting Boundaries & the A-Rod Documentary00:30:25 - Black Graduations, Bert's Identity Crisis & the Rafa Nadal Doc00:40:43 - Merch Plans for When You Die00:46:12 - Mushroom Trip & The Gut Health Investigation00:52:10 - Bert Shit Himself in His Sleep00:55:58 - Locker Room Talk01:00:33 - Breeding Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  Episode #331

  Patrice O’Neal Destroyed Me | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

  Jun 15, 20261h 16m

  SPONSORS: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Demystifying AI, at https://www.netsuite.com/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get two hundred in rewards within 21 days. https://dkng.co/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Por Osos landing in Publix just in time for the 4th of July, which sends Bert into a full nostalgic spiral about pub subs, boat days, and taking his daughters into "international waters." From there, things get historical, the bears break down the story of the guy who invented the meter and got guillotined for it, which leads them down a rabbit hole of people killed for their big ideas, the French Revolution as the original cancel culture, and Martin Luther versus the Catholic Church.Then Bert tells stories about his relationship with the late Patrice O'Neal: getting destroyed at his first open mic, the Edinburgh trip where they lived together for 29 days watching Bruce Lee movies and Bert getting his feelings systematically demolished, and the moment he found out Patrice had tweeted something kind about him right before the stroke. Tom and Bert also spiral deep into funeral planning, who's required to show up, who gets a Sandler video instead of a live appearance, why Ari's funeral is going to involve hardcore Brooklyn relatives and a lot of confusion, the Andrew Schultz balloon clown apology Bert wants delivered posthumously, and whether or not to get cremated when science might figure something out. Plus: horror movies vs. comedy movies as investments, the film Obsession and its director Curry Baker, Bert's dad crashing the podcast mid-funeral conversation, the band Goose vs. the band Geese, and Mount Joy watching Passion of the Christ on the tour bus. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 331 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org . On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Ontario. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Sportsbook Bonus bets expire in seven days. $50 in Predictions Dollars issued weekly for three weeks, expire in one year. Redeem one non-withdrawable reward. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends June 28th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:02:21 - Por Osos in Publix & Florida Pub Sub Gospel00:08:45 - The Daniel Boone Documentary00:18:51 - The Guy Who Invented the Meter Got Killed for It00:24:59 - People Executed for Big Ideas00:33:46 - Patrice O'Neal Destroys Bert at His First Open Mic00:41:27 - Showtime Special, Party Bus, & Patrice's Funeral00:48:31 - Funerals Vs Celebration Of Life00:57:00 - Nick Kroll, Andrew Schultz & the Balloon Clown Apology01:04:11 - Bert's Dad Chimes In01:05:54 - Noga Erez, Goose Vs. Geese & Mount Joy01:09:02 - Curry Barker's Obsession & Horror vs. Comedy Movies01:15:10 - Wrap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  Episode #330

  Nick Kroll Convinced Netflix to Air Animated Animal Sex | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

  Jun 1, 20261h 45m

  Gape your 4th eye with Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell's new podcast Mystery Boys and get to the bottom of what's really going on in the world: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-i3EV1v5hLfZinN-4ZV4wmZ862wupBWF Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. SPONSORS: - Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com - Right now, Babbel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to https://Babbel.com/BEARS - Sponsored by Better Help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Nick Kroll joins Tom and Bert to break down his new Netflix animated series Mating Season, why animation produces tighter comedy than anything shot on the fly, and the emotional formula behind Big Mouth that turned a filthy puberty show into something people actually shed real tears for. Along the way, they get into an all-timer story from a legendary comedy industry gathering featuring basically every comic you've ever loved, Tom's Charlie Murphy sushi dinner story, Bert's 50-pound weight loss and very specific relapse date, a true urban legend about Michael Landon and a javelin, a genuinely compelling movie pitch called The Quad Squad, and somehow end up in a deep dive on the Eichmann trial, featuring Sir Ben Kingsley showing up to a table read entirely off-book with a swastika-covered script. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 330 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:30 - Why Animation Forces Comedians to Actually Write 00:18:31 - The Greatest Comedy Photo You're Not In 00:25:25 - Tom's Charlie Murphy Sushi Dinner Story 00:39:33 - Raccoons, Black Voice, & Building the Mating Season Universe 00:54:46 - Did Michael Landon Kill a Man With a Javelin? 01:01:18 - A Completely Serious Movie Pitch 01:04:19 - Clothes, Bert's Transformation, & Relapse Date 01:13:07 - Nacho Figueras & the Argentina Horse Riding Disaster 01:25:13 - Gay Moose, Goats, & Nick Kroll's Full Project Lineup 01:29:54 - N.O.R.E Calls In 01:32:30 - Nick Kroll Speaks Spanish 01:36:45 - Hunting Eichmann & Sir Ben Kingsley's Unhinged Table Read 01:44:11 - Wrap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  Episode #329

  Live from the Rose Bowl | 2 Bears 5K ft. Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa & Are You Garbage?

  May 18, 20261h 12m

  The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0 Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. SPONSORS: - 🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on Saily data plans! Use code bears at checkout. Download Saily app or go to https://saily.com/bears ⛵ - Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger® Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com with code cave - For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com Live from the legendary Rose Bowl during Netflix Is A Joke Fest, the Bears are back and even sweatier than usual! Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer take the stage fresh off the 2 Bears 5K for a completely unhinged live episode packed with race stories, weight loss victories, comic cameos, chaos, and pure degeneracy. Joined by Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa, and the guys from Are You Garbage?, the crew covers everything from losing hundreds of pounds and surviving airplane bathrooms while fat, to bidet discoveries, Netflix brunch disasters, H. Foley's iPhone nightmare, and the emotional insanity that surrounds the 2 Bears community. Plus: Bert reveals he mailed busts of his own dick to his closest friends, Tom bombs in front of Eddie Murphy and lives to tell the tale, Ari returns from traveling the world with a surprise award, and the whole crew spirals into stories about body transformations, sobriety, addiction, and comedy fame. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 329 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:50 - Jelly Roll aka The Third Bear 00:23:40 - H. Foley & Kevin Ryan 00:49:51 - Ari Shaffir 01:03:38 - Joe DeRosa 01:12:56 - Wrap & Plugs Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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